I should just be happy.

My professor

of evolution, of human origins

just gave us a bit of

classic advice.

“That should be my lesson:

when you have something good, don’t try to make it better,

just be happy. Just be happy.”

A concept I think

even our distant,

very distant and intellectually different ancestors,

understood.

I ponder, in this class, why I can’t.

Do I need a macroevolution

punctuated equilibrium

an event of speciation?

No—plain english,

Meaningful, beautiful words.

Accessibility—the poetry I preach.

So, I’ll try to practice it.

I’m “unintellectual, negative,” you’ve said, after a year

of subjective—evidence? experience?

You are “condescending,” “perverted,”

“disloyal.” We say these words.

But there is a difference between us.

I can’t grasp it; can you?

There are more compatible couples,

but we’re in college and we’re learning.

We learn; we make changes. Or, I have.

Have you?

So, why do we stay together?

You probably thought I was done; maybe didn’t turn the page.

You can’t see why.

I can.

I think I can, at least.

Or maybe it is the time that speaks these words.

A terrifying change in the life I have known in college.

Maybe that is it, and all.

Maybe I don’t love you, but feel

a dependence. A love of

companionship. Sexual dependence, fucked up neurotransmitters,

an acquired biologically-addictive love;

because at 3 months, you didn’t have a hold.

At 6 months, you said I was obsessed, but I let go when we were leaving for summer. But YOU wanted me,

to stay with me.

I had let you go.

You hear me? You see this?

I. Let. You. Go. And YOU

said you wanted time extension,

two months apart! It was you. And after a year,

you took me back with a black-spotted,

serotonin explosion sunrise. You missed,

regretted, and crumbled along with my broken heart.

You cared; you care, but you seem

blinded by my negativity. One

pessimistic, “negative” part of me.

The other parts don’t matter, right?

A biological change in vain. Imagine if our

bipedal, vocal ancestors, were socially, reproductively rejected.

Imagine where we would be.

I shouldn’t be rejected for one “flaw,” which may increase drive, or fight complacency. Maybe I am your evolution, personified.